Day 4 - Thursday
It continued to be very cold in the night and I kept waking up thinking about the lady I had met on the beach. Her message about the planet changing frequency is something that I have heard from many people. We are moving away from a somewhat dictorial past and more into a period of democratic communication among people and as nations generally. This is for some, a massive step from their daily/life paradigm and will undoubtedly take some time and effort to reach the 'next stage' of human evolution.
Thank goodness for my deerskin, it really makes a difference to my warmth at night and acts as a sort of duvet over the top of my sleeping bag. Today continues to be cold, with occasional rain and grey clouds. Despite the weather I spent much of the day walking the coastline looking into rock pools and finding driftwood. It was like being a kid again! I did not see any crabs or shrimps, but I have identified plenty of edible seaweeds as well as winkles to look at adding to my meals.
I seem to be transitioning into a calmer state and being able to reflect on ‘me’ more. Part of the reason for this happening was the physical removal of my watch and placing it firmly under my spare clothes. Not knowing about time allows me to not concern myself about what I should do next when following the orderly procession of the day. I actually want to concern myself more with the ‘now’, and whereas plans and planning is good, I decided that I needed not to bother with those during this period of solitude. This calmness has a core around which revolves a sense of wanting to be kinder to those around me. I know, of late I have been cranky and unfair to Buffy in particular, and I loathe myself for that.
I have also started to think more about death - not in a morbid way, but more in a way to how to truly live life now. Simply put, we are not aware when the end will come, and most of us are comfortable hiding from that fact, remaining in an ignorant state, which refuses to accept our mortality, hoping that it might never happen. It's not in our control at all, but we humans like to have control in our lives, so avoidance of something we cannot control is how we go about our day to day lives. Therefore, I have decided that it is imperative that I start to really live my life onwards in a more kind, compassionate and understanding way - I do not want those final minutes ruminating on regrets and grief.
My thoughts are also at Coombe Dingle (the home we are renovating) and hoping that everyone is doing ok. I do harbour feelings of guilt about being away at this time, when so much is going on. I was in the same position this time a year ago when I went to onto Dartmoor - feelings that I was being selfish and uncaring. I have to let go of these feelings, but still the guilty thoughts linger on. I have just really started to write about my solitude, although the efficiency of my portable solar charger is not that brilliant when we do not have sunshine. Today is my fourth day without meat – and I have to say I am not missing meat…yet!
Day 5 - Friday
It was cold again first thing in the morning, but even so, I had a complete strip wash outside in the garden. Very bracingly indeed! Someone has kindly left a large watering can with a fine nozzle on the end, so this is perfect if not a little basic. It reminded me of a time when I was in the army and stationed in Belize, Central America. We had very few luxuries in the jungle, but one thing we could rely on was Mother Nature! Every evening at last light the heavens would open for a good downpour, and very often fifty or sixty of us would be in the clearing stark naked with soap in hand waiting for the best shower known to man!
I went for an early walk down to the sea and started to search for any night sleeping areas that I might be able to use in the coming days and weeks. There were a few nice looking places, but on closer inspection I could see they were too dangerous because of potential rock falls from above. The evidence was abundantly clear with mudslides and broken boulders littering the bottom of the cliffs following the winters battering. It was a very unstable coastline. I do think, however after an hour or so of searching that I have found a good spot, so I will wait for calmer and sunnier weather before spending a night or two out.
Afterwards, I went about collecting dry driftwood wood for my fire and found a wonderful small stone which had a fossilised 'plant' imprinted on two sides. This will become my little totem and ‘guardian’ in the bothy. A totem (Ojibwe doodem in native North American) is a spirit being, sacred object or a symbol that serves as an emblem to a group of people, such as a family, clan or tribe, but can also be associated with an individual. For me, I always travel now with a set of crystals that emit their own special frequency and energy to accompany me, and find a centre space inside wherever I am to lay them out. I was attracted to this ancient stone, so it will become my centre piece inside the bothy.
There is a cottage right on the coastal path leading down to the sea, and some new people have arrived, and with them two quite aggressive dogs, who seemed determined not to let me pass back up the track to my bothy. I could hear the owners shouting at them from their cottage, but the dogs were not interested in heeding their master’s voice. So I just opened my arms to them and quietly told them that I was not a threat and to let me pass. As if by magic, and after a couple of growls they turned away and ran off across the fields! Phew, I hope I don't have to go through that every time I want to walk to the beach.
Back at the bothy, I walked around the back and up into the woods to locate a shelter area for more outside living - I love being under the stars! There was one spot in-between two magnificent oaks which had a natural hole in the canopy to view the sky above, which will be perfect – providing there was no cloud cover!
Day 6 - Saturday
I woke up to the sound of 'no tail' calling at 5am. He's a regular alarm clock! There is no wind to speak of but still cold. Today was my ‘administration’ day with cleaning of the hut and washing some of my clothes. The wind started to pick up mid morning, so on my clothes line that I put up with some hazel twig clothes pegs that I made, the wet stuff should dry easily.
I then took off for a walk along the beach (dogs on the way again, but very subdued now thankfully) and after an hour walking north, I climbed up a small valley and onto a footpath. I have no idea of where I am going, but it seems like an ancient track all the same. The track was deep sided and lined with hawthorn bushes that were showering the path and me in their white flower ‘confetti’ petals. Sure enough it ended at a very grand old house with a chapel on the side - most likely a very old manor complex built on scared ground from eons ago. On the side of the tiny chapel were gargoyles in the shape of dragons. The small chapel grounds had one enormous yew tree and several smaller ones. The older one could well be a thousand years or more old, as we have some in this country dating back 3000+ years! No wonder the yew is associated with immortality, renewal, regeneration, everlasting life, rebirth, transformation and access to the Otherworld and our ancestors.
I followed the footpath around the chapel, but it soon turned into a small road, so I turned back and walked towards the sea.
The views are spectacular out to the Bristol Channel and of course, onwards to the Atlantic. Even though it's Saturday, I have seen nor heard anyone and all is beautiful and peaceful. I stopped by a massive gorse bush whose fragrance was almost overpowering - a great place to rest and just 'be'.
Tonight's meal was chickpea, lentils, broccoli, sweet corn with some figs and dates for ‘afters’ - 6 days now without meat and not missing it! Tonight was the first night that I dreamt vividly and woke myself up shouting, that in itself was quite frightening! Next week I will tell you what that dream was all about as well as strange visitor who came calling!
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